Caribbean Pink Update - September 2013

Hello everyone :)

What a crazy and wonderful couple of months it has been for Caribbean Pink!

I do apologise for not writing an update last month. I've been struggling a bit more with managing my own health recently, and so was not able to write an update for August. This update will cover both August and September.

Since the creation of the Caribbean Pink Facebook page in July, the number of 'likes' has been steadily increasing. As at October 2, the page has 144 likes! Personally, I find that both incredible and wonderful!

You can find, and point friends and family in the direction of the Caribbean Pink Facebook page at: www.facebook.com/RoomRefreshingService

August saw the creation of the Caribbean Pink logo by the extremely talented Tim of In-Flux Graphic Design. Tim designed both a full logo, for use on letterheads and such, as well as a smaller logo that we will use for other purposes. What's more, he did this for us pro-bono! To check out the work that Tim and in-flux graphic design do, take a look at their website: www.in-fluxgraphicdesign.com

September has been a massive month for Caribbean Pink, with our very first fundraiser! We raised over $700 to go towards Caribbean Pink's start up fund through selling custom made Caribbean Pink candles, crafted by Ancient Light. 102 candles were sold during September! This fundraiser could never have happened without the incredible and generous Allison at Ancient Light Candles. She has gone above and beyond to make this happen for us this month, doing everything that she can to maximise the money raised. If you bought one of these candles and think they are as magnificent as I do, if you just happen to love candles, or know someone else who loves candles, please do visit the Ancient Light page and purchase some of her other magnificent candle creations. The Ancient Light Facebook page can be found at: www.facebook.com/AncientLightCandles

Also during the past month, we received a very generous and thoughtful donation from a married couple who support the vision of Caribbean Pink. This couple bought and donated two digital photo frames, and USBs, to be given to, and included in the room refreshing of, two Caribbean Pink 'clients' once the service is up and running. Digital photo frames are a great idea as they provide something different to look, changing scenery, for someone who is stuck in the same environment day in, day out, hour after hour. A big thanks for this donation!

Looking forward for the months of October and November, my big focus for this month will be to work with Ringwood Church of Christ, who will 'host' the Caribbean Pink service, to confirm the steps that will be taken to recruit volunteers and do everything that needs to be done for this service to start operating within the next few months (or as soon as possible). I am also looking into other possible grant/funding sources. November will see our next fundraiser, which will be an auction of various donated goods. If you have something that you would like to donate to this auction, please do contact me via email, or through the Caribbean Pink Facebook page.

Lastly, I would like to share a quote from a beautiful young lady, speaking of why she sees a service like Caribbean Pink to be so important and life giving:

"I became bedridden from the ages of 13 to 16. In the years that should have been the most exciting of my young life, I was surrounded by the same four walls, fading paint and the reminder that my life hadn't turned out quite like I had imagined. I required 24 hour care, and my Dad worked so hard to make my bedroom an escape as opposed to a prison. There was new paint, artwork, flowers and a new bedspread, candles and lamps. I am so very blessed that my parents were able to do this for me, however there are so many others who are not as lucky as me. They do not have anyone to grant them this paradise within their four walls, and their pain is no less.

Caribbean Pink will not just be giving a bedroom a makeover; They will give someone a paradise to wake up to each and every day, and a reminder that someone cares about them. Most of all, they will know that they matter. And that is the greatest gift of all" Jess, 21, Connective Tissue Disorder.

That's the lot for this month. A reminder that if you know of anyone who may want to be involved, either through volunteering in any capacity, or making a donation of goods or finances, please do share this vision with them, and ask them to contact me at caribbeanpink.natasha@gmail.com. I am also more than happy for you to make suggestions, or ask me any questions you might have about the process of getting this service up and running, and how I envision it operating.

Thank you SO very much to all the Caribbean Pink supporters for your ongoing support and encouragement.

Lyme Disease: Results Appointment

Last Wednesday I had an appointment with my doctor to discuss the results of my Lyme testing. Having looked at the results myself, I was not sure what the results indicated. They seemed to suggest that I may have chronic Lyme disease, but then again, I may not. I went in expecting a "yes" or "no" from my doctor, but instead got a "highly likely, but not definitely".

Test Results:
The immunoblot (Western Blot) and Elispot tests showed no indication of the presence of Borellia Burgdorferi (Lyme). These tests are 'indirect' tests which measure a person's immune reaction to the bugs. Neither of these tests are definitive. While much more accurate that the ELISA test, the most widely used test (and also one of the least useful) for Lyme, false negatives are still known to occur.

The CD-57 NK- Cells testing looks at an immune marker that tends to be low in the presence of Lyme disease. As you can see below, my CD-57 count is quite low (55). This, again, is not conclusive and absolute evidence of Lyme disease, but evidence that it may be present. "Other illnesses, such as myalgic encephalomyelitis (chronic fatigue syndrome), rheumatoid arthritis or multiple sclerosis might mimic Lyme, but those illnesses will not cause a drop in the CD-57" (McFadzean, 2012).

Diagnosis:

While these tests may be very helpful in doctors diagnosing Lyme disease, Lyme is primarily a clinical diagnosis. "Many cases of Lyme disease are not diagnosed because of negative lab results, even in the face of a textbook presentation of signs and symptoms, or a strong enough case history to warrant the diagnosis" (McFadzean, 2012) My doctor believes that my symptom picture and history, plus the consideration of my CD-57 test and other previous testing that points towards the possibility, is enough to suggest that there is a high likelihood of chronic Lyme. He has, with my permission, started me on treatment which, in itself, will give clues into the presence of any infection. 

"Theoretically, if the person did not have Lyme disease, a course of antibiotics would not dramatically affect their symptom picture. An antibiotic trial that validates the Lyme diagnosis might give a response of either an improvement, or a worsening of symptoms consistent with a Herxheimer reaction... either way, some shift in symptoms would be expected." (McFadzean, 2012)

I am also to complete a questionnaire which will help to identify likely co-infections.

Treatment:

I am being eased into treatment slowly. The first medication he has put me on is Plaquenil (200mg), 3 days a week for the first week, then once daily from that point. After the first week of daily Plaquenil I start with Azithromycin (500mg), beginning with just 1/4 tablet daily.

"Plaquenil is essentially an anti-malaria drug, although it has multiple uses in medicine. In Lyme treatment we primarily use it to address cyst forms of Borrelia...

Unlike prednisone, which is immune suppressant (and should never be used in patients with Lyme), Plaquenil is more immune modulating and balancing, thus reducing the autoimmune process without wiping out the beneficial and necessary parts of the immune function.

Another benefit of Plaquenil as mentioned above is the way it can shift the pH of the cell to make azithromycin and clarithromycin work better." (McFadzean, 2012)

When used as part of Lyme treatment protocol, 200mg of Plaquenil, twice daily, is the recommended dose, according to Dr Nicola McFadzean, a lyme literate doctor and naturopath, and author of several books on Lyme disease and it's treatment, including 'Lyme Disease in Australia: Fundamentals of an Emerging Epidemic'.

"Azithromycin is a gentle medication that is typically well tolerated. While it is not the more effective for Borrelia itself, nor used as a first-line therapy, it has it's place in Lyme treatment protocols. It is more effective for musculoskeletal symptoms such as joint and muscle pain than neurological symptoms. Some individuals who would not be able to tolerate doxycycline can handle azithromycin...

Azithromycin and clarithromycin are not considered first line drugs for Lyme due to their limited effectiveness. This may relate to the fluid pocket created around the Borrelia bacteria in the cell. The fluid is quite acidic, meaning it has a low pH, and that acidity may inactivate azithromycin and clarithromycin. A way to overcome this is to give hydroxychloroquine (Plaquenil) or amantadine, which can raise the pH of the fluid and allow the two medications to work better." (McFadzean, 2012)

Dr McFadzean recommends dosing Azithromycin at 500-600mg daily.

Next Steps:
So, the journey continues!
I have an appointment to follow up with my doctor on Wednesday October 16th. Particularly due to the way that I am being slowly eased into treatment, it may take a number of weeks, even a few months, until we can say for sure whether or not I have Lyme disease (as a result of the response, or lack of, that my body has to treatment). So far I have taken 3 doses of Plaquenil. Each time, I have felt nauseated in the afternoon and evening after having taken the drug in the morning, and have not had this nausea on the in-between days. However, as nausea is not a new symptom to me, I can't say at this point whether this might actually just be a coincidence. Nausea is also listed as a possible side effect of Plaquenil. I seems to me that it is likely that if I am to experience 'herxing' this is less likely to occur before I start on the Azithromycin. Even then, it might not occur until the dose has been increased significantly. It is also highly likely that other medications will be added at some point. I would, of course, like to have an answer as soon as possible, but I will just have to be patient and take this one step at a time. 
I'll find out the next step three weeks from tomorrow.


Do you live in Melbourne, Australia? 
Are you interested in learning more about Lyme disease, and why it is so very important for there to be greater awareness of this illness both within the medical community and the general population?
Please check out this event to be held on October 29, hosted by Catherine Deveny.

If you do not live in Melbourne, but would like to know more, a great place to start is by watching the documentary 'Under Our Skin'

You can also learn more about Lyme disease in Australia by reading Dr Nicola McFadzean's fantastic book on the subject.

Getting To Know Your Shame Gremlins

On Friday night, while having a conversation with a friend, anxiety unexpectedly came up and gave me a powerful shove. It left me feeling a bit shaken and asking "where the heck did that come from?" As I sat with my anxiety, the answer to my question became clear. Shame. Mr Anxiety was coached and encouraged by the shame gremlins that live deep inside of me. Over the past couple of days, I have spent some time journalling and attempting to get to know these gremlins better.

This morning, I picked up a book that I am in the process of reading: 'Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent and Lead' by Brene Brown, and found that the very next part of the book deals with shame. One part in particular resonated perfectly with how I have been feeling, and the shame gremlins that I have been trying to get to know (in order to vanquish!) So, I thought that I would share it with you all, so that you too might benefit.

Shame resilience, as Brene Brown says, is also "key to embracing our vulnerability. We can't let ourselves be seen if we're terrified of what people might think. Often 'not being good at vulnerability' means that we're damn good at shame." (p61)

(Note: If you do find this helpful or eye opening, I highly recommend buying the book)


"What is shame and why is it so hard to talk about?...
1. We all have it. Shame is universal and one of the most primitive human emotions that we experience. The only people who don't experience shame lack the capacity for empathy and human connection. Here's your choice: Fess up to experiencing shame or admit that you're a sociopath.
Quick note: This is the only time that shame seems like a good option.
2. We're all afraid to talk about shame.
3. The less we talk about shame, the more control it has over our lives.

There are a couple of very helpful ways to think about shame. First, shame is the fear of disconnection. We are psychologically, emotionally, cognitively, and spiritually hard wired for connection, love and belonging. Connection, along with love and belonging (two expressions of connection), is why we are here, and it is what gives purpose and meaning to our lives. Shame is the fear of disconnection - it's the fear that something we've done or failed to do, an ideal that we've not lived up to, or a goal that we've not accomplished makes us unworthy of connection. I'm not worthy or good enough for love, belonging or connection. I'm unloveable. I don't belong. Here's the definition of shame that emerged from my research:
Shame is the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love and belonging." (p68-69)

The good news is
"Shame derives it's power from being unspeakable... if we cultivate enough awareness about shame to name it and speak to it, we've basically cut it off at the knees. Shame hates having words wrapped around it. If we speak shame, it begins to wither. Just the way exposure to light was deadly for the gremlins, language and story bring light to shame and destroy it." (p58)


What are your shame gremlins telling you?
And how has that been stopping you from living your life to the fullest, a life of daring greatly?

Reflections on Facebook and Vulnerability

Do you ever find yourself looking at other people's Facebook profiles & thinking to yourself that their life is so much more interesting/exciting/happy/successful/beautiful than yours?

Most people choose to hide their struggles, failures, grief & fears. Instead, creating a 'virtual life' on Facebook, indeed, often in the 'real' world also, free of these things that we don't tend to like or enjoy. Or, if we do talk about them at all, we are careful to do so in a way that we feel will be 'acceptable' and will not show us as 'weak' or 'inferior'. To be honest about these things would make us vulnerable, and vulnerability is frightening (trust me, I know!) We fear rejection from others if we were to show them our 'brokenness' (or is that just me?) Perhaps, it's not even all about how others will react, but the fear that if we are honest about our struggles to ourself, it will be more than we can handle.

Yet, it is only through vulnerability, through taking down our protections, and letting people and experiences in, that we are able to experience love, belonging and joy in their glorious fullness.

Sure, there are some things that are inappropriate for social media, and I'm not saying that we should all use Facebook to vent about our deep grief and traumatic experiences. That is helpful neither for the person venting, nor their Facebook friends. But what if we were just a little more honest about the fact that our lives are less than perfect, and a mixture of both enjoyable and difficult, good and bad?

It is also worth noting that many of us have hundreds of 'Facebook friends', including that guy that you met once at a wedding, and that girl who you knew in primary school. These are people with whom we don't have a significant relationship, they haven't earned our trust, nor have we earned theirs. It makes sense that we would hesitate to share anything beyond superficial with those who we hardly know and have no communication with apart from social media! So, why do we insist on having so many Facebook 'friends'? Are we afraid of hurting people if we de-friend them? Does it make us feel better about ourselves to see that we have so many 'friends'?

By feeling the need to have so many 'friends', we make the possibility of vulnerability a more frightening prospect. In turn, by choosing to stay 'safe' and post only photographs and status updates that depict an identity that seems acceptable to others, we are feeding others' fears that their life is inferior, and encouraging them to also censor their posts. Furthermore, as we keep ourselves 'safe' we also block ourselves from experiencing those things that require the greatest vulnerability; love, belonging and joy.

I took the photographs below yesterday, just about half an hour apart. The photo on the right is much more  'Facebook worthy', with hair and makeup done. However, those things hide the tiredness and sickness more clearly seen in the 'before' photo on the left. Neither photo shows the whole truth. I am not only sick and tired, nor is my life all 'bunnies and sunshine'.

A quote from Brene Brown:

"Owning our story can be hard, but not nearly as difficult as spending our lives running from it. Embracing our vulnerabilities is risky, but not nearly as dangerous as giving up on love and belonging and joy - the experiences that make us the most vulnerable. Only when we are brave enough to explore the darkness will we discover the infinite power of our light."

Perhaps something worth contemplating today.

Lyme Disease Testing Update & Tash's Brain Fade Moments: Episode 4

Hello Everyone!

Well, I have had my Lyme testing results emailed through to me, so I have a bit more of an idea as to whether or not I might have Lyme Disease. However, I am waiting to see my specialist on Wednesday to find out what someone who knows a lot more about these things than I do makes of my test results. Can I just say, that it is wonderful to have a doctor who knows much more about a number of things relating to my health than I do. This is not often the case anymore! After I have seen my specialist, I will let you all know the outcome.

In the meantime, here is another of my brain fade moments to keep you entertained...


Tash's Brain Fade Moments: Episode 4

I had a huge day today, attending the baptism of a very special young lady this morning, followed by a celebration lunch afterwards. As such, I was very tired this evening. The perfect situation for a brain fade moment.

I struggle with photosensitivity. Artificial lighting such as fluorescent or LED lighting is particularly draining and difficult for me at the best of times. I have the brightness on my laptop, TV & phone turned right down.

This evening my housemates had the bright overhead lights in the lounge room turned on. I was struggling to cope as I ate dinner, however I didn't want to take my food & meds upstairs and miss out on the latest episode of 'Suits' (such a great show!). So, I put on my sunglasses, as I sometimes do.

Having put on my sunglasses, I picked up my fork and collected a mouthful of food with it, ready to recommence the eating of my meal. However, with the fork halfway up to my face, I suddenly stopped.
Lifting that forkful of food, the thought had come into my mind, "can I actually still get the fork into my mouth with my sunglasses on? Or will I have to take them off to be able to eat my dinner?"

Thankfully, it only took me a second to work out that yes, I would be able to get that forkful of food into my mouth. Even while wearing sunglasses.



...and here's a little bonus brain fade for you: I managed to put on a second bra this morning, immediately after putting on the first one. Not sure how long it would have taken me to realise what I had done if I hadn't looked in the mirror at that moment...

Caribbean Pink Fundraiser Candle Announcement!

         

This custom made candle by Ancient Light will be available until the end of September in TWO exquisite fragrances:


- Brazilian Waters 
- or the more subtle, Sweet Lemongrass.

Each hand made candle costs just $20! (+postage)







These candles have 200gms of wax. They contain natural soy wax made from soy beans that have not been genetically modified. They contain an un-bleached lead free cotton wick. Each candle will burn for approx. 50 hours, and is perfectly suited to a medium sized room like a bedroom, bathroom, office or kitchen. They will, however, make a beautiful addition to any room.

In order to save on postage, encourage you friends and family to start their Christmas shopping early, and have all of your candles delivered to the one location. For those of you in Melbourne, candles can be delivered to & collected from, my house in Ringwood. Supporters in Adelaide might like to collect their candles from Ancient Light directly.

Our aim is to sell 100 candles during September. That's just over 3 candles per day. Can you help us reach our target?

Orders can be placed through the
Caribbean Pink or Ancient Light Facebook Pages
www.facebook.com/RoomRefreshingService
www.facebook.com/AncientLightcandles

By emailing me at:
caribbeanpink.natasha@gmail.com

Or by contacting either Allison of Ancient Light, or myself on:
Allison: 0407 088 636
Natasha: 0412 086 456

Please share with all of your family & friends, and help us to change the lives of people with serious long term illness, one room at a time.

Caribbean Pink Fundraiser Coming Soon!

For those of you who aren't aware, I'm in the process of setting up a service to bring some joy to people who are bedridden or housebound with long term illness. Caribbean Pink will refresh, reorganise & beautify the bedrooms (or other chosen room) of our 'clients' - because looking at the same room day in, day out can get so very depressive!

During the month of September we will be having a fundraiser to help raise the money needed to get Caribbean Pink up and running!

If you could please spread the word that would be wonderful!

In just 3 days time, a custom #CaribbeanPink candle will be revealed by Ancient Light!

The sale of these candles during September will help raise funds to help us bring some joy to the lives of people who are bedridden or housebound with long term illness.

Alongside an exquisite fragrance that has been chosen by Ancient Light for our candles, those who have scent sensitivities but still wish to buy a candle will be able to purchase one of these soy-wax creations without any added scent.

Our aim is to sell 100 candles during the month. That's just a bit over 3 candles per day. Will you help us achieve our target?

Please share, tell your friends and family, & consider starting your Christmas shopping early!

Orders can be made through:
The Caribbean Pink Facebook page
The Ancient Light Facebook page

Or by emailing me.

Tash's Brain Fade Moments: Episode 3

I thought it was about time that I share another #brainfade moment. I have plenty of these moments, but not all of them are easy to explain, or particularly amusing. 

At moments like these I can't help but think that I may be ahead of my time, that is, I truly am turning into a Nanna at only 29 years old. The fact that I will be picking up my mum's granny scooter this weekend, for my own personal use, seems only to confirm this idea.


Tash's Brain Fade Moments: Episode 3

Eating my dinner of calamari and vegetables, I noticed that the oven was on. I wondered which of my housemates were cooking. I decided not to say anything.

After I'd eaten, I joined my housemates in watching an episode of Suits. I noticed that the oven was still on & wondered whether they'd forgotten about it. I decided just to leave it, and not to say anything.

Finally, after couple of hours after I first noticed the humming of the oven's fan, I asked the question. "Mike, do you have your dinner in the oven? Laura?", "No?" 
That's odd, I thought.

Laura opened the oven door to take a look & there, inside, was my 'extra caramelised' potato. 

Oops.

Under My Skin

Monday is a big day for me. A significant day. A day that will set off a chain of events, and I don't know where it will lead me. I admit, I'm rather nervous about it.

On Monday, at around 3pm, I will have blood taken. That blood will be couriered to Germany and, at a cost to me of about $900, tested for Lyme Disease and select co-infections. 

I don't know if I'll test positive. I'm not even certain if I want to, or not. If I do have Lyme Disease, I feel hopeful that with a year or two of treatment, my health could improve dramatically. I could even achieve my dream of, by the time that I turn 32, being able to both work part time again, and have coffee with a friend without feeling like death afterwards. That would be beyond wonderful. And maybe, just maybe, I'd get the chance to meet someone, to get married and have a child. I'm aware that while I remain as sick as I am, the odds of that happening are slim.

However, there is a catch. 

Treatment for Chronic Lyme Disease is expensive. From what I've heard from others being treated, it can cost up to $15, 000 a year. Money I do not have. And it's harsh on the body. In many cases, a patient treated for Chronic Lyme Disease will get a lot sicker, before they get better. It has been compared to going through chemotherapy, but instead of killing cancer cells, you're killing the Lyme parasites that have taken over your body. Saying that, I'd rather kill them, even if doing so puts me through hell, because the alternative is that they could kill me.

Lyme Disease is a controversial illness. Some doctors don't even seem to want to believe that Chronic Lyme Disease exists. But it does. Many doctors in Australia insist that we don't have Lyme Disease here. But we do. 

If I do have Lyme Disease I probably got it in Europe. That helps, when it comes to getting doctors to believe that you have it. Thankfully I have an amazing Lyme literate doctor, who is also my specialist for ME/CFS. 

Since I was a teenager, I had aches and pains, and needed a bit more sleep than other people seemed to. Those aches and pains got gradually worse over the years, but I was still able to both study full time and work part time, as well as having a social life, going to the gym and attending dance classes. I now know that this could have been a sign of the connective tissue disease that I have been diagnosed with &/or ME/CFS. Things changed in 2007. 

I lived in London 2006-2007, and before returning home, I packed up my backpack and spent three months travelling around Europe. A few weeks into my travels, I got very sick, with what I thought was a chest infection. It lasted for about a month before I started feeling a bit better again, but I got so sick that I took myself to Accident & Emergency in Bruges about 3 weeks in. There, they told me, that if it's a chest infection it looks like it's on it's way out. I never noticed a 'bullseye' rash, associated with Lyme Disease, but around 50% of people affected don't get one. I now believe, that if I do have Lyme Disease, that is when I got it. The 'chest infection' returned a number of times over the next two years, and my health declined dramatically. By 2009, though I was still attending dance classes a couple of times a week, I could not work more than 3-4hours before I became so tired that I could barely function. A year later, I was forced to stop working, studying & exercising altogether.

If I don't have Lyme Disease, the way forward becomes a little more tricky, and the light of hope for effective treatment a little dimmer, but I won't give up. Nor will I base all my hope on getting better. There is light, love purpose and hope to be found today. I will continue to work towards making my dream of Caribbean Pink become a reality, enjoy & appreciate the incredible people that I have the pleasure of having in my life, and focus on the things that I can do, rather than what I cannot.

Whether or not the level of disability that I am experiencing is due to Chronic Lyme Disease, I will have an answer in the next few weeks. Results are often emailed through within a fortnight of the day that the blood is taken & sent off. At the latest, I will find out at my specialist appointment on September 18th. That's 26 days away. Let the countdown begin!



If you are at all interested in finding out more about Chronic Lyme Disease, and the difficulty in getting treatment due to political and economic issues, please watch the documentary Under Our Skin. It is based in the US, but is still relevant for people suffering from Lyme Disease here in Australia.

Childlike Wisdom: Rethinking Fear Based Judgement.

Today I had the pleasure of helping my friend, Ashleigh, with a blog article that she has been working on. She pretty much had all the thoughts and ideas there, but was just struggling with getting the wording and structure right. I love working with the English language and making pieces of writing look and sound beautiful. So, when she asked for my help, I jumped at the chance! Working on this article reminded of all those times, in my 'past life' when I would write sermons; something I haven't thought about for a while!

Below is a copy of the article, itself. This version is slightly different to the one that she posted on her blogsite. It is the version that I came back to her with after I had played with the original draft.

____________________________________

A very wise person once said something along the lines of
 “Unless you have a change of heart and become like a little child, you will not experience heaven”

It seems that in these wise words is an important message. Children have a great deal of wisdom to offer, if we are willing to listen. How are we preventing ourselves from experiencing life to the fullest, ‘heaven on earth’, because we have not had a change of heart, and become more like a child?

Have you ever seen a toddler refuse to play with another child, because they are a different race, are a bit ‘chubby’, or because their parents are tattooed? We are not brought into this world with a genetic component that compels us to judge, segregate or see others as ‘different’. And yet, if any of us, as adults, were to say that we never place judgement on others, in response to superficial characteristics, we would be lying. As adults, we do tend to judge. As we grow up, programming and conditioning from society and those close to us teach us to be wary of people who are different to us. It is quite ironic that, in a world where conformity is diminishing and individuality is becoming the trend, as a society it seems that we are becoming more and more judgmental and superficial. Evolution also plays a part. We are observant creatures, and have learnt to pass judgement in order to stay alive. But there comes a point where it is detrimental, both to individuals and society. What impact will our judgmental view of others have on our humanity?

When we cast judgement on others, the ramifications are deeper than we may realise. Related to our tendency to judge is the penchant of western society to require that there be an explanation, a ‘meaning’, or something to blame, for every situation. If this cannot be done, a sense of tension, anxiety and dis-ease is created. In order to placate this, we pass judgement on others. We project our own feelings and ideologies onto someone else’s experience or reality, assuming an ability to accurately judge the character and/or intentions of another, in order to calm our own tensions. Having done so, there is an initial sense of relief to have ‘figured out’ that which we were questioning.

Have you ever been accused of being something that you’re not? Been judged inaccurately? Perhaps we’re not always as clever as we think. We don’t like being judged, and yet, we continue to do it to others, often without question. It’s a vicious cycle. What if we chose to change? What if we decided that it’s OK to live in the grey, to not have everything figured out? In choosing to let go of the need to feel in control of everything in our world, we open ourselves up to an experience of life that is much more peaceful.

We have all grown up with different morals, values, goals and aspirations. Therefore, it’s easy to look at someone else’s life choices and criticize them because they’re not what we would choose for ourselves. Although it can be a simple ‘knee-jerk’ reaction to pass judgement, it’s very helpful to realise that thoughts are only words; words that can be either helpful or unhelpful. We do not need to believe or act on every thought and opinion that comes into our head.

Due to our increasingly superficial society, passing judgement on the way people look can be almost second nature. Before even speaking to someone, just on their looks alone, we can have their lifestyle, socio-economic status and personality traits mapped out. Not all judgements we pass are negative, as the stereotype goes- people with glasses are deemed more ‘intelligent’ by society. But when it comes to someone for example, who is obese, covered in tattoos and piercings or wears very revealing clothing, what judgements do we pass on them? A toddler does not discriminate when it comes to the clothing or appearance of their playmates; we’re not born with these stereotypes imprinted in our brains, we have learnt them. It is easy to stereotype and pigeonhole people based on what you see on the surface. Again we need to look at the bigger picture. If we’re all judging each other based on what we see on the surface, how does that help us co-exist together and function as a healthy, happy society? Living in a world where we are all judged so harshly, so quickly, makes for society that is rigid, inflexible and full of individuals with low self-worth. 

Then there’s the judgement we place on others of a different race, religion, gender, age or sexuality. Every person is first and foremost a human being. This doesn’t change just because we may feel uncomfortable with someone who is in some way, shape or form ‘different’ to us. We all deserve to be treated as equals.

“I think this is the first time I am meeting most of you. But to me, whether it is an old friend or new friend, there’s not much difference anyway, because I always believe we are the same, we are all human beings. Of course, there may be differences in cultural background, way of life, faith, or the colour of our skin, but we are human beings, consisting of the human body and the human mind. Wherever I meet people, I always have the feeling that I am encountering another human being, just like myself. I find it is much easier to communicate with others on that level. Our differences are only secondary. If we can leave the differences aside, I think we can easily communicate, exchange ideas, and share experiences”- The Dalai Lama.

It is true to say that we all make mistakes, and some people make choices that are grossly inappropriate, self destructive or harmful to others. But it is wise for us to pick our battles wisely if we choose to disagree with someone. Remember, the behaviour itself is merely the tip of the iceberg compared to the motive behind it. It is worth reconsidering any judgement made about something that you haven’t experienced yourself. Truth is, we’re all fighting something, our demons are just different. When it comes to playing detective and deciphering why someone does what they do, or are the way they are, sometimes it’s perfectly OK to just let it be, no questions asked.  When we try to work everything out, and find the ‘answers’ just to settle that dis-ease and tension, there’s a good chance that we’re actually completely wrong. What’s more, we may well find that, rather than resolving our anxiety, searching for an explanation may in fact amplify it, as ‘answers’ are not always easily found.

Being more open-minded, compassionate and caring doesn’t mean you should compromise your morals and integrity for others. A certain amount of ‘judgement’ is necessary in life. It is appropriate to make the judgement that placing your hand on a hot stovetop is not a good idea! The difference comes in the motivation for our judgments. Are we judging out of love, or out of fear?

“There are only two feelings, Love and fear:

There are only two languages, Love and fear:

There are only two activities, Love and fear:

There are only two motives, two procedures,

two frameworks, two results, Love and fear,

Love and fear.”   – Michael Leunig

Out of love for oneself, it is important to know when maintaining a relationship, and keeping someone in our life, is harmful. Likewise, it is a good thing to speak up when someone voices the intention to act in a way that will cause either themselves, or others, harm. But judging those who are different to us because we fear that which we do not understand, we fear discomfort or the possibility of rejection, only leads to a more fractured & hurting community.

Perhaps it is time that we all have a go at embracing our inner child, and letting go of superficial fear based judgement.

“Treat everyone you meet as if they were going to be dead by midnight. Extend to them all the care, kindness and understanding you can muster, and do so with no thought of reward. Your life will never be the same again.” –Og Mandino

“Be the change you wish to see in the world.”

Namaste