Most people choose to hide their struggles, failures, grief & fears. Instead, creating a 'virtual life' on Facebook, indeed, often in the 'real' world also, free of these things that we don't tend to like or enjoy. Or, if we do talk about them at all, we are careful to do so in a way that we feel will be 'acceptable' and will not show us as 'weak' or 'inferior'. To be honest about these things would make us vulnerable, and vulnerability is frightening (trust me, I know!) We fear rejection from others if we were to show them our 'brokenness' (or is that just me?) Perhaps, it's not even all about how others will react, but the fear that if we are honest about our struggles to ourself, it will be more than we can handle.
Yet, it is only through vulnerability, through taking down our protections, and letting people and experiences in, that we are able to experience love, belonging and joy in their glorious fullness.
Sure, there are some things that are inappropriate for social media, and I'm not saying that we should all use Facebook to vent about our deep grief and traumatic experiences. That is helpful neither for the person venting, nor their Facebook friends. But what if we were just a little more honest about the fact that our lives are less than perfect, and a mixture of both enjoyable and difficult, good and bad?
It is also worth noting that many of us have hundreds of 'Facebook friends', including that guy that you met once at a wedding, and that girl who you knew in primary school. These are people with whom we don't have a significant relationship, they haven't earned our trust, nor have we earned theirs. It makes sense that we would hesitate to share anything beyond superficial with those who we hardly know and have no communication with apart from social media! So, why do we insist on having so many Facebook 'friends'? Are we afraid of hurting people if we de-friend them? Does it make us feel better about ourselves to see that we have so many 'friends'?
By feeling the need to have so many 'friends', we make the possibility of vulnerability a more frightening prospect. In turn, by choosing to stay 'safe' and post only photographs and status updates that depict an identity that seems acceptable to others, we are feeding others' fears that their life is inferior, and encouraging them to also censor their posts. Furthermore, as we keep ourselves 'safe' we also block ourselves from experiencing those things that require the greatest vulnerability; love, belonging and joy.
I took the photographs below yesterday, just about half an hour apart. The photo on the right is much more 'Facebook worthy', with hair and makeup done. However, those things hide the tiredness and sickness more clearly seen in the 'before' photo on the left. Neither photo shows the whole truth. I am not only sick and tired, nor is my life all 'bunnies and sunshine'.
A quote from Brene Brown:
"Owning our story can be hard, but not nearly as difficult as spending our lives running from it. Embracing our vulnerabilities is risky, but not nearly as dangerous as giving up on love and belonging and joy - the experiences that make us the most vulnerable. Only when we are brave enough to explore the darkness will we discover the infinite power of our light."
Perhaps something worth contemplating today.
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