I wrote this on Thursday March 20. I was freaking out, having spent a large amount of money on a fancy juicer, in order to get the greatest nutrients (with the least amount of energy expenditure) from the juice which my doctor has instructed me to drink every day as part of my treatment protocol.
Ok, so, here's the thing: we all struggle. That's not to say that life doesn't and can't hold much joy too (cos it totally does!) but that we all, at times, struggle with fears, insecurities, frustrations, anxieties, anger, grief...
Tonight I'm struggling with spending huge (at least for me) amounts of money on things to do with my medical treatment, and fearing the judgement of others in this - that they may think spending money on things that I'm choosing to spend money on isn't worth it. But I know that I need to trust myself, know that I have put thought into these things, & sought the guidance of others in my decisions. Plus, I just want to do the best that I can to get better, even if, in the end, it takes every dollar I've got. Though, I admit, I do also fear running out of money before I am well enough to return to part time work, and going back to that place I've been before where there is not enough money for both bills and food.
Treatment for Lyme disease & co-infections can cost tens of thousands of dollars and there are so many recommendations out there as to things (many very expensive) that can aid treatment, alongside the prescription medication I am taking (some of which is also very expensive!) I'm not going to go out there and buy all the products recommended to sufferers of Lyme Disease. I couldn't afford it even if I wanted to! I will take my doctors advice and do some research to find out which products and procedures are likely to be of most benefit to me. Hopefully in time, the combination of pharmaceutical and other supporting treatments will help me get to the point where I feel somewhat healthy again.
...and just as I am finishing writing this post, a reminder pops up on my phone saying "Where is God in this?" Immediately I feel more at ease, knowing that God is with me, and loves me no matter what
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