Today I had the pleasure of helping my friend, Ashleigh, with a blog article that she has been working on. She pretty much had all the thoughts and ideas there, but was just struggling with getting the wording and structure right. I love working with the English language and making pieces of writing look and sound beautiful. So, when she asked for my help, I jumped at the chance! Working on this article reminded of all those times, in my 'past life' when I would write sermons; something I haven't thought about for a while!
Below is a copy of the article, itself. This version is slightly different to the one that she posted on her blogsite. It is the version that I came back to her with after I had played with the original draft.
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A very wise person once said something along the lines of
“Unless you have a change of heart and become
like a little child, you will not experience heaven”
It seems that in these wise words is an important
message. Children have a great deal of wisdom to offer, if we are willing to
listen. How are we preventing ourselves from experiencing life to the fullest, ‘heaven
on earth’, because we have not had a change of heart, and become more like a
child?
Have you ever seen a toddler refuse to play with another child, because they
are a different race, are a bit ‘chubby’, or because their parents are
tattooed? We are not brought into this world with a genetic component that
compels us to judge, segregate or see others as ‘different’. And yet, if any of
us, as adults, were to say that we never place judgement on others, in response
to superficial characteristics, we would be lying. As adults, we do tend to
judge. As we grow up, programming and conditioning from society and those close
to us teach us to be wary of people who are different to us. It is quite ironic
that, in a world where conformity is diminishing and individuality is becoming
the trend, as a society it seems that we are becoming more and more judgmental
and superficial. Evolution also plays a part. We are observant creatures, and
have learnt to pass judgement in order to stay alive. But there comes a point
where it is detrimental, both to individuals and society. What impact will our
judgmental view of others have on our humanity?
When we cast judgement on others, the ramifications are deeper
than we may realise. Related to our tendency to judge is the penchant of
western society to require that there be an explanation, a ‘meaning’, or
something to blame, for every situation. If this cannot be done, a sense of
tension, anxiety and dis-ease is created. In order to placate this, we pass
judgement on others. We project our own feelings and ideologies onto someone
else’s experience or reality, assuming an ability to accurately judge the
character and/or intentions of another, in order to calm our own tensions. Having
done so, there is an initial sense of relief to have ‘figured out’ that which
we were questioning.
Have you ever been accused of being something that you’re not? Been judged
inaccurately? Perhaps we’re not always as clever as we think. We don’t like
being judged, and yet, we continue to do it to others, often without question. It’s
a vicious cycle. What if we chose to change? What if we decided that it’s OK to
live in the grey, to not have everything figured out? In choosing to let go of
the need to feel in control of everything in our world, we open ourselves up to
an experience of life that is much more peaceful.
We have all grown up with different morals, values, goals and
aspirations. Therefore, it’s easy to look at someone else’s life choices and
criticize them because they’re not what we would choose for ourselves. Although
it can be a simple ‘knee-jerk’ reaction to pass judgement, it’s very helpful to
realise that thoughts are only words; words that can be either helpful or
unhelpful. We do not need to believe or act on every thought and opinion that
comes into our head.
Due to our increasingly superficial society, passing judgement
on the way people look can be almost second nature. Before even speaking to
someone, just on their looks alone, we can have their lifestyle, socio-economic
status and personality traits mapped out. Not all judgements we pass are
negative, as the stereotype goes- people with glasses are deemed more
‘intelligent’ by society. But when it comes to someone for example, who is
obese, covered in tattoos and piercings or wears very revealing clothing, what
judgements do we pass on them? A toddler does not discriminate when it comes to
the clothing or appearance of their playmates; we’re not born with these
stereotypes imprinted in our brains, we have learnt them. It is easy to
stereotype and pigeonhole people based on what you see on the surface. Again we
need to look at the bigger picture. If we’re all judging each other based on
what we see on the surface, how does that help us co-exist together and
function as a healthy, happy society? Living in a world where we are all judged
so harshly, so quickly, makes for society that is rigid, inflexible and full of
individuals with low self-worth.
Then there’s the judgement we place on others of a different
race, religion, gender, age or sexuality. Every person is first and foremost a
human being. This doesn’t change just because we may feel uncomfortable with
someone who is in some way, shape or form ‘different’ to us. We all deserve to
be treated as equals.
“I think this is the
first time I am meeting most of you. But to me, whether it is an old friend or
new friend, there’s not much difference anyway, because I always believe we are
the same, we are all human beings. Of course, there may be differences in
cultural background, way of life, faith, or the colour of our skin, but we are
human beings, consisting of the human body and the human mind. Wherever I meet
people, I always have the feeling that I am encountering another human being,
just like myself. I find it is much easier to communicate with others on that
level. Our differences are only secondary. If we can leave the differences
aside, I think we can easily communicate, exchange ideas, and share
experiences”- The Dalai Lama.
It is true to say that we all make mistakes, and some people
make choices that are grossly inappropriate, self destructive or harmful to
others. But it is wise for us to pick our battles wisely if we choose to
disagree with someone. Remember, the behaviour itself is merely the tip of the
iceberg compared to the motive behind it. It is worth reconsidering any
judgement made about something that you haven’t experienced yourself. Truth is,
we’re all fighting something, our demons are just different. When it comes to
playing detective and deciphering why someone does what they do, or are the way
they are, sometimes it’s perfectly OK to just let it be, no questions
asked. When we try to work everything
out, and find the ‘answers’ just to settle that dis-ease and tension, there’s a
good chance that we’re actually completely wrong. What’s more, we may well find
that, rather than resolving our anxiety, searching for an explanation may in
fact amplify it, as ‘answers’ are not always easily found.
Being more open-minded, compassionate and caring doesn’t mean
you should compromise your morals and integrity for others. A certain amount of
‘judgement’ is necessary in life. It is appropriate to make the judgement that
placing your hand on a hot stovetop is not a good idea! The difference comes in
the motivation for our judgments. Are we judging out of love, or out of fear?
“There are only two feelings, Love and
fear:
There are only two
languages, Love and fear:
There are only two
activities, Love and fear:
There are only two
motives, two procedures,
two frameworks, two
results, Love and fear,
Love and fear.” – Michael Leunig
Out of love for oneself, it is important to know when maintaining a
relationship, and keeping someone in our life, is harmful. Likewise, it is a
good thing to speak up when someone voices the intention to act in a way that
will cause either themselves, or others, harm. But judging those who are
different to us because we fear that which we do not understand, we fear
discomfort or the possibility of rejection, only leads to a more fractured
& hurting community.
Perhaps it is time that we all have a go at embracing our inner
child, and letting go of superficial fear based judgement.
“Treat everyone you
meet as if they were going to be dead by midnight. Extend to them all the care,
kindness and understanding you can muster, and do so with no thought of reward.
Your life will never be the same again.” –Og Mandino
“Be the change you wish to see in the world.”
Namaste
